An Interesting Day Out

First, I know it's been a while. I could lie and say I've been terribly busy and haven't had a chance to post. But the truth is that I gained some weight back, gave up the effort, and was too embarrassed to post. I am going to get back on track, though. Ugh.

Anyway, yesterday the kids and I ran errands. They are on Spring Break from school and I've been trying to keep them busy since it's done nothing but rain the whole week so far. We started out at Walt's, a local chain of grocery stores where there were a few good deals on the front of their sales ad. Instead of trying to navigate the store with a crowd of kids, and constantly directing and distracting them from bored behaviors, I split them up and sent them on food-finding missions of their own.

It was an amazing success! I kept Matthew with me since he's only 4, but gave the girls each a short list and a carrying basket and told them to find me when they were done; I saved the produce and meat for myself. I honestly don't think we've been in and out of a store in such a short amount of time. It was awesome!

Way at the end of the walkway outside of the store there is a mail-drop box, and I just happened to have a letter to mail. So I ... gasp ... let Matthew out of the van to drop the mail in the box. There were two cars parked there with women inside, maybe waiting for their shopping partners to be done in the store. The horrified looks that I got from those women ... wow! Jaws hanging open, eyes wide. Matthew got down from the van, looked both ways before stepping out, crossed the 10 feet of pavement and mailed the letter, turned around, looked both ways, crossed again, got in the van, put on his straps, and off we went. I'm not sure those women will ever be the same. Clearly they have never given their young child a smidgeon of independence. I thought for sure they'd smile at his absolute cuteness, especially after he completed the task with no harm to him at all. But no - they still looked pretty traumatized when I pulled away.

We moved on to the next store, where I again separated the kids and sent them on missions. Hannah and Clara went together this time and I gave them a list of heavy stuff so that they'd need to use a cart. I did feel a little more self-conscious this time and I did notice a look from someone as we were splitting the lists up. But you know what? I just don't care. If I don't teach them how to do this stuff, how will they learn? I think it's important to tell them, "No, that's not the right cheese, you have to go back and find the cheese that I put on your list." I think it's ok to tell them that if they can't find something they are looking for, to ask a worker politely for help. I don't want them to grow up having never done this stuff - it should be natural for them to feel ok and confident at a store.

And they were so proud of themselves. They navigated the store, found the right items with only the cheese as a send-back, successfully used a cart and/or basket, and didn't freak out just because I wasn't in their direct line of sight for 15 minutes. It puts all of the, "Watch where you're going, look out for people, stay out of the way, don't swing the basket like that or you'll hit someone" and other of the usual grocery store lectures to the test. Guess what - if you swing the basket like that, and you hit someone, and mommy isn't standing right next to you to take care of it, then you have a problem that you have to deal with yourself. Even if you're only 9. No, that didn't happen. Well, I assume it didn't; I wasn't there to watch every second. I didn't hear about it when we met up again so ...

I know people who won't let their children play in their gated, privacy-fenced backyard without constant adult supervision. Not tiny kids, either. Older kids - 8 and 9 years old. These kids have never been unsupervised - ever. It wouldn't surprise me if they still get help in the bathroom. I'm not kidding - I know women who still control the toilet paper in their houses when their kids are SIX, because their kids don't do a good enough job of it themselves. Someone told me the other day that children are not cognitively capable of crossing a street until they are 8 years old.

That was a tangent and a slight rant, sorry.

After our grocery shopping escapades, the kids and I went out to lunch at Pizza Hut. This is going to sound ridiculous, sorry in advance. The waitress seriously teared up when the kids ordered their drinks. Because they politely and individually said, "I would like chocolate milk, please" while looking directly at her and smiling. She actually asked me if I beat them to make them so polite. The disturbing part of this is that on Tuesday, when I took the kids to the dentist for our appointments, one of the ladies in the office asked me the same thing - if I beat them to make them so well-behaved and polite. What?!

Am I the only person out there who is teaching the kids to be polite and respectful, and how to behave even when they aren't being constantly entertained? I don't mean to offend anyone at all, and hope that it doesn't come across that way. Maybe it's just around here - everyone just seems so surprised when kids have good manners. Of course they are not perfect and everyone has good days and bad days, but still. It's a little crazy. Matthew's speech therapist once told me that in all her years of being a speech therapist, she had never heard a child say, "You're welcome" after she said, "Thank you." Seriously?!

I swear I am not bragging; that is not the intent of this post at all. Goodness knows that my kids are no where near perfect - wow, we have had some days!!!!!!!

I just think it's a little weird that people are so amazed that kids even can behave. It seems to mean that everyone has lowered their expectations of kids, so that when they are rotten at a store it's somehow ok because we don't expect anything more of kids anyway. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe there is some magic age where kids are all of a sudden aware of their behavior and they decide on their own in some amazing fashion that they are going to start being good. I don't know. I don't think I'm going to risk that one.